Fifty Shades of Grey Review

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I got the chance to watch 50 Shades of Grey before all of you did, so that I could fill you in on whether or not you should spend your hard earned money seeing it at the movies this Valentine's weekend. So lets jump right into it:
First a little backstory - this movie is based on the best selling 50 Shades of Grey book trilogy that was inspired by Twilight fan fiction - you know that series that women all across the world couldn't put down or stop telling their friends about. The premise is basically about this young and innocent college senior named Anastasia Steele who serendipitously meets a suuuper hot, strangely over-accomplished billionaire named Christian.
Anastasia becomes hypnotized by Christian and his hotness! Because LOOK AT HIM - Fast forward past some reall y impressive dinner dates and a couple of braggy helicopter rides and Christian proceeds to ask Anastasia to sign a contract with him to be his sexual submissive which means that she will have to do whatever he wants to her sexually - which includes things that I would not dare mention but involved objects like this: And some of the scenes involved people hanging on weird machines and getting spanked by weird and intimidating objects that looked like dentists trey – yuck
This poor, sweet, kind hearted Anastasia reluctantly complies but is not necessarily thrilled by the idea because, shocker alert, she doesn't want to just be an object of sex to him she actually wants a relationship. But there’s a problem because
So, lets start with some positives here –ok, I want to defend Dakota Johnson and Jamie Dornan who play the leads in this because I really think they are both really good actors and I don't think they will get a lot of credit for that after folks see this movie. And people were throwing shade (‘s of Grey…see what I did there?) saying that these two had zero chemistry on screen, but I actuality think their lack of chemistry was between them and the script and NOT between each other. Another positive - Queen B sings her heart out on this soundtrack and y'all know I live for her flawlessness - but I digress. Rita Ora’s in it for a hot minute with some really weird hair – so that was kinda cool?
Ok -now for the cons... Obviously this film was going for erotica with it's hyper sexualized and somewhat pornographic inspired shots, which is something that is definitely NO secret to anyone who is remotely familiar with this story. And let me tell you there is a lot of nakedness in this movie, and a lot of sex, and a lot of weird stuff - the book wasn't called mommy porn for nothing – and can we please stop saying “mommy porn” after this movie? Think about the kids for goodness sakes -but outside of all of that there's not much else really going on that's believable or even interesting about the story. Proving that sex-time truly isn't fulfilling for anyone if it doesn't mean anything.
Side note: If I had to see Anastasia Steele bite her lip one more time...just give her an air guitar and a Bon Jovi karake track and call it a day
Putting all of the sex aside for a moment, the script and storyline is what really missed the mark. I literally laughed out loud at the screen more than I ever was connected with what I was watching - The lines are sooooo cheesy and so corny and it legit felt like they were ripped straight out of a sappy day time soap opera that just so happened to be airing on Skinimax. And if you don't know what Skinimax is, don’t google it.
So here's the deal. If you are into this whole erotica sex thing, then you will probably feel like you got what you came to see (within an R-Rating at least) - but it's no romance movie and honestly I was bored and walked away pretty turned off…which is the opposite of what the filmmakers were going for. Bonus tip, if it’s a first date, run from this movie, it’s a trap!
So, the question that we wanna know is will you see 50 Shades of Grey? And if you do, feel free to come back here and give us your review. And for more movies that we can’t wait to see this year, click in this video box right here. Im Erin Robinson, and thanks for watching Clevver.
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